The thing is I always run from my problems. I've been so worthless lately, I feel so empty like I don't have any goals to achieve. I feel like I'm not gonna change anything even though I tried my best. And instead of finding why I got stuck in this situation, I rather find a distraction so basically I never solve my problem at all. Then, it causes even more problems, that's how my life cycle right now. I got stuck on this cycle I call it an abyss. 

I never thought that I can be this fragile. I do believe I can handle everything by myself but there's a thing that I can't fill it by myself. I go there and everywhere but I lost my home that I never found in the first place. I lost my last destination. I lost my sanctuary. I don't know where should I go. As much as I want myself to be an independent girl, I can't deny that I need someone to guide me, for now at least. For now, where I get lost in this complicated notion of mine. 

I can't get out of this abyss by myself. The shadows followed me as it asking me "What you do, girl?" such a simple question yet I don't know what to answer. The other one asks, "What you gained from doing this?" and I ask "What did I do?" Did it just imply that I did something bad to others? I tried to run from that abyss, I yell my lungs out but no one hears me. I saw a light I guess it was the exit of the abyss. Apparently, this place is a prison, and the shadow wouldn't let me quit before answering their question. I rack my brain and the thing I can say is "I'm just trying to save myself" I don't understand the second question. All I wanna do is to keep myself sane. Why you judging me like that? 

They let me quit, I hope there is a shelter in the middle of a chrysanthemum garden. Just how naive my mind was, It's a labyrinth, an impenetrable maze. A labyrinth I don't know how complex it is. How supposed I run from this labyrinth by myself? Finding all the answers by myself? How can I? I'm just 20. Is this what a life is?