It's been almost 3 months since I live alone in this neighboring city and of course, there are many things that I go hard with it. I thought that I can do well with this situation since I, myself, really wait this moment where I can do whatever I want. But surely things are not as simple as that. 

Having an introvert personality gave me a hard time socializing in college. I barely open a conversation and yes I didn't want to do it either. But still, I know that it is wrong so I manage myself to be 'more' social butterfly (ofc I can't), at least I make an effort, right? As hard as I tried myself to mingle around with people, I didn't found any enjoyable moment. No, no. Sometimes I can enjoy it or even I can laugh together with them, but deep down on my heart, it feels like it doesn't suit my personality and so yeah that's why I ended up thinking that it would be better if I being alone.

The first month of college is the biggest transition in my life. Five months ago, every day I just spend my time watching series, write alternative universe stories, sleep, etc. And here, they make me write 8 pages of the paper every week and wake up early in the morning, Oh, gosh that's hard. Not only that, but I should also go to college from 5am until 5pm, boi my body is shaking, And still, I got so many things to do either, group project, doing laundry, do my college assignment, and so on. It seems like I don't have time to rest, sigh. 

Because of that such routine, I cant manage my eating time. I often skipped meal and so that I ended up feeling nausea and even throw up. Things are getting harder when I realize that I was alone. I should handle all of this on my own. Sure, I cry, but what will I gain if I just cried?

I got physically and mentally ill, I can't focus on my classes. I cried when I just got 7 out of 10 while the other student got 9 out of 10. I can't keep this thought so I called my mom and thanks to God You give me the best mom in the world. She said that it is okay to have a bad grade, you are still in an adaptation phase, things will get better soon. And yes, I ended up crying again.

Not a long time ago since I write this post, I got sick again. I even cant get off from the bed by myself. I cried myself for a whole night, hoping that someone will save me and I should give my biggest thanks to You. I still have someone who is there to help me. I can't express it by words but gratitude. I don't live alone in this world, even when I crying alone in a public place I'll still believe that God put his nicest people around me. 

Things are indeed hard but here I can survive and go through with that. I will simply call this 18 years old phase as the biggest lesson on my life, I hope I will get better soon, stay healthy, having good grades, dealing with positive thought only, and cure my mental illnesses-!

part 4, soon