If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to never get attached to someone. If I knew that before, I wouldn't suffer this much. But things are already settled, all I can do now is to reflect on my mistakes. Afterall, people are so temporary. Despite on how they won't last long, it's just a nature of human to chase them. When there are threads that link them emotionally we will automatically tied with them, aren't we? But sometimes, it become toxic. Spending time with someone thinking they will stay by your side forever is the worst mistake I've ever did. Do I ever think about how will I live my life without him? No, I wasn't prepared enough. 

      That time when finally I can let him go, I believe that it was the bravest move I've ever did. The first two months, things are so overwhelmed. I met a lot of people and they shower me with affections. Though they leave me after that, I perfectly understand how people is just come and go, and I'm okay with that. But the next months I feel so empty despite the over enjoyment I got. I stop chasing people, things shouln't go this way, that's how my heart said. That was the moment I realized that I just pretend that everything was fine. All of the fake happiness from temporary people make me even emptier. I don't know what I really want. I was drown with my mind. 

    Things are getting worse when those memories of him suddenly hit me hard.  Life is such a two sides of coin, it has both good and bad memories. It's sucks when I remember how he treats me like a princess but then dump me like a piece of trash. It's really sucks. Why can't we just strolling around the city tasting all the best dessert again? Why can't we just sat there and nonstop talking about our favorite series? Am I allowed to cry on your shoulder again, no? Why? Just why we can't do things as before? Then I asked myself again, all the bad things he does, was it worthwhile?  Damn man why can't I just live with 100% happiness? Why I must suffer? I broke down. I cried. I can't think. I ran from my responsibilities. I can't do things like how I used to. I want to vent. It affect me that much.

    No matter how deppresed I am, life is still going on. I can't live like this, I can't disappoint my surrounding. I need to get over this, but I don't think I can heal this wound. They said time will heal, but until when? Some said, memories aren't meant to be forgotten. I need to live my life saying "Yeah, I was used to did that with him" with the broadest smile. I think that's the hardest pill I need to swallow to heal this wound. But how much it takes until I'm fully healed?